Tiger Flowers Cemetery

A grief observed 3&4

What started out as a sad story, but real, turned into something more in my eyes. I was very surprised as in the middle of chapter 3, Lewis's mood and thoughts completely took a 180 turn. This book is completely filled with marvelous quotes cover to cover. One part of the book that i love was the part that he realized that his thoughts and emotions were almost selfish, in which he was not all at concerned with his feelings and his pain, but not H's pain that she went through when she died. He was talking about how he wished she could come back, but then he says something so profound. He says, "Could i have wished her anything worse? Having got once through death, to come back and then, at some later date, have all her dying to do over again? They call Stephen the first martyr. Hadn't Lazarus the rawer deal?" This quote really opened my eyes to something i have never thought about before. Obviously, anyone who has gone to church for some time has heard the miraculous story of Lazarus, and how amazing it was and how blessed he was to come back from the dead. But Lewis makes a great point. He has to die all over again! I am not sure if it would be worth the trip to the dead and back! then, he states some more profound statements as he talks about the bolted door of God. His origional mood was that God slammed the door in his face and that he bolted it from the inside when he was in desperate need. But now he thinks that he has drowned the voice of hope with his own screaming for help. He was trying to 'bang the door down', when God was ready to answer. It made me think of how often this happens in my life, when i think that God has not heard or responded or God does not 'show up', but the reality is that i have not opened my eyes or listened to his voice! Then Lewis wakes up one day and now he can see clearly because his vision is not blurred by tears. This whole story was absolutely amazing and i am glad to read something so raw and real. This is a real life situation that unfortunately we all will have to face at some point or another.
I attended tiger flowers cemetery today and i walked around peacefully and meditated for over 40 minutes. I took some pictures that i will post on here. This exercise brought this book to life. On one grave, i saw fresh purple flowers and i literally could see that part in the book when the man is going to the grave to take care of a loved ones grave. It was a strange feeling as i was putting myself into Lewis's shoes and thinking about what it would be like to visit my wife in the grave. Wow. i dont even want to comprehend this. One thing that really struck me was thinking about how we drive by cemeteries almost every day and we respect them, but they dont mean that much to us, until we have a loved one inside the cemetery. all of the sudden, that place has a new meaning, a reality to us. Lewis talks about this in his book, and actually going to the cemetery made me realize this reality. It was a positive experience.

A Grief Observed 1&2

It is hard to read this book, for many reasons. I am in a serious relationship right now and it is a horrible fear to loose her already, and obviously we are not even married! This is a grief that i cannot even begin to comprehend, nor do i want to. How can one handle loosing his soul mate and partner in life. They are your best friend and lover and partner. The thought of loosing that would be horrible and unbearable, but ironically that is a part of everyones life. Death is inevitable and it will happen to everyone. The common theme that i have found in all of our readings, at least most of them is reality. Most of these stories have a reality that is common with life. They are real stories that could happen to anyone and some of them have happened. Its funny because most of the time, we want to read about the flowery stories and the mushy gushy stuff in life, which that is great, but what about the real problems in life that we all will have to face? this is just like hollywood, which very rarely shows the real stories. Most of the time it is romantic stories or outrageously fake superhero stories. But i find that the most helpful readings and movies are the ones with real substance, ones that we can relate to. Unfortunately, there will come a time in my life when i will relate to C.S Lewis in this book, as someone close to me will inevitably pass away. The thing that i liked most about these two chapters is that C.S. Lewis is very real with God. He calls him an imbecile. Lewis is transparent in this reading and he is not afraid to let his feelings be known. There are many things in life that make us question God, and just like David did in Psalms, we can question Him and ask why? We might not get our answer now but we serve a God who allows us to be real with Him. Another intriuging part of the book is when Lewis is talking about the image of 'H' or his wife. He is creating an image based off of memories which are already blurred from seeing her in so many different angles and situations. He then goes on to say that if he could just see her alive again for 10 seconds, then the real image would appear, but the snow flakes would begin to fall again shorty after the real image was gone. This was so sad, because it is true. I can relate this story to mainly the song Franky and Johny and a couple of other readings about love. Love is amazing, but pain is something that is a part of life and suffering is something we all will face. Literature helps us cope with that pain by writing and reading about it. 

joel - images

Joel has a wonderful way of painting a picture when he writes this book. Right off the bat, he paints a picture of the locust. "What the gnawing locust has left, the swarming locust has eaten; And what the swarming locust has left, the creeping locust has eaten; And what the creeping locust has left, the stripping locust has eaten". Joel uses a couple of adjectives in this such as creeping, swarming, stripping. These adjectives are what make paint the picture. As i said in the last blog, Joel has a way of painting a picture using little words. "The herds of cattle wander aimlessly". This is another line that stuck out to me, maybe its because i used to work on a farm and i understand cattle somewhat, but i can literally picture herds of cattle just wandering in all directions, having no clue where to go. "For fire has devoured the pastures of the wilderness". In this line, i can picture the fire, devouring the wilderness, which i already picture as dry and easily burned. "The land is like the garden of Eden before them But a desolate wilderness behind them". I quoted this phrase last blog, but i had to do it again, because of the picture that is painted with these words. The garden of Eden is so beautiful, or so i would think, and it would be green and sunshine and wonderful. But a desolate wilderness sounds so baren and brown and dry. It sounds empty and lonely. "Their appearance is like the appearance of horses; And like war horses, so they run. With a noise as of chariots They leap on the tops of the mountains, Like the crackling of a flame of fire consuming the stubble, Like a mighty people arranged for battle". This quote obviously paints a picture. ""I will display wonders in the sky and on the earth, Blood, fire and columns of smoke. "The sun will be turned into darkness And the moon into blood". I have no idea what exactly each thing in this quote means such as the blood and the smoke, but it certainly paints an amazing picture. i can picture the columns of blood, smoke and fire. Fire is an amazing picture painter, as fire is vivid and bright. "Beat your plowshares into swords And your pruning hooks into spears".  For some reason, this quote reminds me of a movie called Lord of the Rings. In this movie, the army beats the iron into spears and this quote painted a picture of this all over again in my mind. "The mountains will drip with sweet wine, And the hills will flow with milk". This quote seems to be the most magnificent of all of them, because i can see hills flowing with milk and mountains dripping with wine. I am almost certain that the author did not mean this literally, but it still makes an amazing image in the mind.

Joel

There are quite a few lines in the book of Joel that really strike me. Some of them are beautiful, others are gloomy but yet they still stand out. This minor prophet has a wonderful style of writing that really captures his feelings and his emotions in his writing. You can literally feel his sadness and a mixture of fear and other emotions when you read this book. "The land is like the garden of Eden before them But a desolate wilderness behind them". This is a wonderful line in the book of Joel, because the description is phenominal. In my opinion, one cannot get more descriptive as describing something so beautiful as the garden of Eden then going all the way to the opposite end of saying that there is a desolate wilderness behind them. This is a short sentence as well, and this is surprising, because it is so very descriptive and it paints the picture so vividly. "Like the crackling of a flame of fire consuming the stubble, Like a mighty people arranged for battle. Before them the people are in anguish". This is another series of lines that is absolutely amazing, because the descriptions are so vivid. Joel does not use extravagant wording to make his point, but he paints a picture in the readers mind. "Your old men will dream dreams, Your young men will see visions".  This is a very famous and popular series of lines in the book of Joel as God promises His outpouring of the Holy Spirit. However, reading it as a poem or literature sense shows me hope and joy in these lines. I mean, look at the lines! Old men will dream dreams! Young men will see visions! That is full of hope and joy and a bright future in times of trouble and sorrow for Israel. That line moves me now, but i can only imagine how beautiful it must have been for Israel while they were in exile and in trouble. "Let the weak say, I am a might man!". Here is another powerful and hopeful line, in which the weak will say i am strong. This just brings more hope and light to the darkness of the times. "The LORD roars from Zion", this is a beautiful line. This displays that we serve a mighty and a powerful God as Joel is talking about the Day of the Lord. He then follows that with a statement that says, the heavens and the earth tremble. This displays the power of God and that Israel is at His mercy. This is so beautiful, as throughout this whole book, Joel does an amazing job in displaying his point so vividly, without using many words. This is an extremely short book in the bible, however it is so powerful, because of the message, and the way it was composed. It turns out, I thought i was doing a literature homework assignment, however i was doing a devotion! I loved it.

The Colonel

I picked this story to talk about, because it was very confusing. There were parts in this story that i had absolutely no idea what the author was talking about. For example, "The moon swung bare on its black cord over the house". After i read this i thought maybe that it means it was dark and it was night time. Im not sure though. Also, "Broken bottles were embedded in the walls around the house to scoop the kneecaps from a man's legs or cut his hands to lace". Now this is a weird sentence. I can not figure out if this was a metaphorical statement or a literal statement. Either way, its very graphic. We also know from the story that the house or the people who owned the house were rich because they had a rack of lamb and a maid. Then there is a sentence that says it had become difficult to govern. This makes me wonder if the character was a governor, however, the character is a colonel, but it would help if i knew what that meant.  Then it just jumps like a kid with ADD, and it says "the parrot said hello on the terrace". This story is very choppy. It almost seems like a full day is told in a matter of two minutes of reading. Then the story jumps to the colonel dumping ear halves to the table. This is very graphic and gross. It made me wonder what in the world am i reading. I do like how the author states "There is no other way to say this". Even the author, who is in first person, realizes that this story is bizarre. then it goes to the last lines which are very interesting. "Some of the ears on the floor caught this scrap of his voice. Some of the ears on the floor were pressed to the ground." Obviously the author is trying to say something that is deeper than the words originally mean. I am having a hard time trying to figure out what she is saying at the end. This end line defines the rest of the story, but i am not sure in what way. I hope that we get to discuss this in class, because i am very intrigued to figure out what is going on here.

Spades

Spades

“Is this shirt too tight?” I asked Mel. The blue, Hollister, t-shirt was gripping my arms like it was holding on for dear life. “You look like a teenage boy trying to show off his muscles, but the problem is that you are missing a key element”, replied Mel. She always does that, like why can’t she just give the honest answer without all that dumb sarcasm. It’s funny, I have been married to that woman for 10 years and she still thinks that I like sarcastic answers or something. “Thanks babe” is all I replied. This is a big night for me, in fact one of the biggest I have had in a while. I have not seen Luis in a year. “You need to relax honey” Mel said to me. “I just hope that he doesn’t drive his new BMW over here”. “Why do you care so much? Is that all that matters to you?” asked Mel. She doesn’t get it. Luis was my college best friend. We even had the same majors, but he got the better grades. It didn’t matter how hard I tried, he just beat me every time. He seemed to always find favor. I remember asking myself, “What is he doing right that I am doing wrong?” “No! That is not all that matters to me. I am just nervous. He has not seen the new house yet, and I am still driving that old clunker”, I said to Mel as she put on the fourth layer of makeup. Why does she wear so much stupid makeup? If I got a penny for every piece of makeup that she bought, I would be filthy rich.  Luis always had the nice cars. His dad is a doctor, and his mom is a nurse. So yeah, they had money, and Luis reaped the benefits in college. For most of my college career I did not have a car, so Luis drove me around. “Don’t worry about it Roger. All we are doing is having a game night with some old college friends, and nothing more. Besides, you know that Luis does not think like that. After all, he is a pastor like you are” Mel said to me as she was putting on the dark purple eye shadow. I met Mel my freshman year in college and we fell in love. It was an amazing time of my life, and at the same time, Luis met Beth and they fell in love. We were all great friends, despite the differences that we had. Those were the glory days, when I was a stud and I actually had the ‘element’. I just wished that Mel wasn’t so tall, but she loves me so that’s what matters. Mel was a knock out in college. She was 5-8 and he had the most amazing blonde hair, but that’s the irony of marriage and the phrase ‘oh the glory days’.  “I just hope we win, ha-ha. We used to dominate in spades, so don’t let me down”, I said to Mel with a grin on my face. Luis turned out to be a great pastor. He is now the pastor of a Non-Denominational church in New York City. Can you believe that? A thirty- two year old pastor of a church that has a 5,000 member congregation. What am I? Just a youth pastor of thirteen students at the local church. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but as usual Luis is more successful than I am. “Ding, Dong”. Ugh here is the moment I have been dreading. I opened the door to a man who was tall and thin dressed in a sharp, pined-stripped, black suit and behind him was his brand new silver metallic, fully loaded, BMW. Beth was wearing a black silk dress that flowed flawlessly on her body. They seemed like that have not changed at all since the last time I saw them, heck, even since college. Luis won homecoming king our senior year. He was the popular one. “You look great Roger. It was so nice of you and Mel to invite us over for a game night” said Luis. I began to wonder, why would they get so dressed up to come over and play games? Beth brought her home-made apple pie for the game night. The deal was that they bring something and we will cook something as well. But wow, that apple pie smelled so delicious. I wish that Mel knew how to cook that good. “Thank you Luis! Come on inside” I said. Part of me wished I could just slam the door in his face. I have been avoiding this pride swallowing day since the last time I ran into my former best friend. We sat down at my small dining room table to play spades. I thought to myself, “this is it; I get my chance to finally beat them in something.” Mel just kept messing up though, she kept bidding too high and she made us loose points every round. Luis and Beth had amazing chemistry though as they bid perfect every time. Each round that went by, I felt my level of jealousy and anger rise, like someone turning up the heat on the stove with the boiling pot of water on it. I was about to explode. Years and years of frustration and anger as my best friend just beat me time and time again in the game of life. His house was bigger, his car was nicer, his job was powerful and influential, his wife is beautiful, and he even has children. In every area that I failed, Luis succeeded, and in every area that I succeeded, Luis beat me. He had it all but so did I; I just did not realize that the true blessings in life were right in front of me. Was I blinded by what I could not see or was it just a normal game of spades?

Sanjeev

The first time i read this story, i judged Sanjeev for not treating his wife the right way. He seemed to be very caught up in his image and it seemed that he did not care at all about his wifes feelings. The second time i read the story, i noticed a couple of little things. For example, right in the beginning of the story, the first thing that Sanjeev says is to throw away the statue.  Then he argues with his wife a little, by saying that she never cooks with vinegar. All throughout this story, he seems to be talking about his wifes cooking, as if he is not content with it. So right off the bat, the reader gets a sense that Sanjeev seems very critical and almost bitter. Sanjeev also seems to be very sarcastic, as in the second page, he tells her that the 'scheme' seems to be working on her. Also, one phrase that stuck out to me was that Sanjeev states that he will tolerate her for now. He just does not seem to be very happy. Sanjeev also seems to listen to depressing music, and it seems that he doesnt know much about it, becuase the story says that he is reading it. One part of the story, when his wife is on the phone, he talks about how she is delighted about the little things and it makes him feel stupid. Another passage states that he feels short when she wears heals. it almost seems that he is very insecure in himself and in his marriage. One thing that i noticed was that Sanjeev states that he had never been in love before. He also states that he did not think that his relationship with his wife is love, and he does not know what love was, but he knows that this could not be it. this made me feel compassion for Sanjeev, but i think that he loves her more than he realizes, because he is indian and he is letting her put up statues of Christianity and Christ. That seems like its a little something like love to me. Sanjeev seems insecure and he wants to impress others. But I see a little change in him as the story progresses as i feel that he realizes that he loves her more and more.